• When I was a child my family were so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older.
   
• It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.
  "Oh, I don't know," she said. "Just give me something with diamonds."
  That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.
   
• Q: What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday?
  A: "Happy Birthday To Gnu!"
   
• "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."
  Next time, take off the candles."
   
• Q: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
  A: Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
   
• Q: What did the birthday balloon say to the pin?
  A: "Hi, Buster."
   
• Q: What did one candle say to the other?
  A: "Don't birthdays burn you up?"
   
• Q: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
  A: In a cat-alogue!
   
• Q: Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
  A: Because it was marble cake!
   
• Q: How can you tell that you're getting old?
  A: You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
   
• Q: What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow?
  A: A birthday pheasant!
   
• Man 1: "I got my wife a VCP for her birthday."
  Man 2: "Don't you mean a VCR?"
  Man 1: "No, a VCP ... Very Cheap Present!"
   
• Q: What party game do rabbits like to play?
  A: Musical Hares.
   
• Do you think my skin is starting to show its age?"
  "I can't tell. There are too many wrinkles."
   
• "I'm giving a 'surprised' birthday party for you."
  "A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's that?"
  "That's where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, I'll be surprised!"
   
• Q: What does the hungry monster get after he's eaten too much ice cream?
  A: More ice cream!
   
• "Were any famous men born on your birthday?"
  "No, only little babies."

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